Since the conception of this blog, I’ve tended to avoid writing about my own experiences, and instead focussed on reviews and general opinions. My recent post The Perks of Being an Intern proved to be quite successful, which was, I guess, my ‘starting point’ for today’s theme.
As I trudge through the monotony of university life, seeping deeper and deeper into the dark, dangerous pit of self-doubt, a metaphoric raincloud has begun to hunch over me. I don’t exactly know why I’m using such colourful terms to describe the past month of my life; it just seems fitting. It’s not that I’ve sunken into the hypnotising depths of depression: I’ve just been doubting myself. As harsh as this may sound, I admit to never having actually ‘liked’ myself. Many attribute this to my many years of childhood bullying, which is understandable, but I also link it to society’s emphasis on perfection. To be brutally honest, I have never been one to be confident of their appearance. Years and years of comparison has led to a downslide in my self-esteem levels. By ‘comparison’, I mean, comparing myself to celebrities who have spent hours in the makeup chair. I can express this so logically, yet continue to have a problem in actually accepting it for myself.
Yesterday, however, this message finally ‘stuck’. I was around beautiful people who weren’t necessarily stunning on the outside, but had the most wonderful, caring personalities. These people were so encouraging and some of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. They’re all dealing with their own problems, which really does emphasise the fact nobody’s perfect (psst … Miley, you were right!)
This post isn’t very specific. I primarily wrote this to express myself and my recent experiences. Lately, my self-doubt has intensified. But, I’m the only one who can improve this. I don’t want to be my own worst enemy anymore. I want to finally love myself for who I am.