Loners, listen up, popularity is coming your way. How? You may ask. Well, I’m about to provide you with top-notch, up-to-date and incredibly important tips for those yearning for ultimate status, happiness and positivity.
1. GET A DOG!
So, your rational thinking is pushing you into justifying why you’re unable to get a dog while simultaneously reinforcing the idea that I must be on crack or something. Correct, ey?
First of all, no, I am not on crack or any other narcotics for that matter.
And, secondly, I am being dead-serious.
Listen to this-
Most places have parks specifically designed for dogs … otherwise known as ‘dog parks’. How original.
Anyway, these places attract dogs and humans alike in inducing easy conversation. Dogs are actively encouraged to smell each others butts, while humans are inclined to speak about their dog’s behaviour, therefore, ladies and gentlemen, solidifying attraction in a comfortable and relaxed environment.
Imagine this- your dog runs over to a dog on the other side of the park to play. The dog belongs to a very attractive male/female who is comfortably sitting on a bench, alone. It’s normal for you to casually walk up to your dog to see what’s going on. The other owner is inclined to do so, too.
Small talk is inevitable. Whether it be a simple compliment (“You’ve got a nice dog!”) or a question (“What breed is your dog?”) or to make things even better, both!
E.g. “What a nice dog you’ve got there. What breed is it?”
Objectively, this sounds absolutely ridiculous. But, trust me, it does work.
Small talk about each other’s dog will continue, which will undoubtedly lead to the exchange of numbers. That is, if you’re looking for a relationship. In terms of friendship, you may exchange names and possibly request that they add you on Facebook.
But usually, it’s planning time. That is, time to arrange to meet each other again. Same day. Same time. Same place. With dog in hand.
E.g. “Do you come here often? I’m here after work, from 5pm”.
Obviously, hot guys/girls do not randomly appear at a dog park. Maybe in your dreams they do, but unfortunately, not in reality. But, there’s bound to be some sort of attraction to other ‘dog-lovers’.
Yes! Call yourself that! A “Dog-Lover” or an “Animal-Lover!”
They’d love that, because they’d probably call themselves that, too. Why else would they be walking their dog?
The reason why I recommend the purchasing of a dog, as opposed to the borrowing of one, is because it confirms your compassionate nature. You bought the dog, therefore you must be a kind-hearted person.
Unless you’ve got a brilliant explanation as to why you don’t own a dog, then you’re got less of a chance of success in this social environment. Therefore, buy a dog!
2. ENROL IN PUPPY-TRAINING CLASSES!
To pave the way for further exposure, enrol! Not only will you be meeting even more people on a regular basis, but your dog will be brilliantly talented, thus leading to compliments from other dog-owners and the reinforcement of your dedication to the animal. Naw, how sweet. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. I must be a genius.
But, I learnt the hard way.
My 11-year-old dog Millie is a Maltese-Chihuahua. In layperson’s terms, she is the tiniest thing you’ll ever see in your life. But, she’s got a bad attitude with other dogs. She’ll instantly growl and attempt to attack the dog, which always ends with her lying on her back innocently with the other dog just curiously looking down at her.
She’s a bitch.
Obviously, this prompts the owner in judging my teaching skills, as they come to the conclusion that I must be an aggressive person to have produced such an aggressive dog. See, puppy-training is essential. Even though they may be sweet when they’re in the company of people, they may be an absolute dickhead when they come across another dog. I don’t even want to mention how many times I’ve seen my dog mount another dog during her aggressive confrontations.
Hence, the tip! Enrol your dog in puppy-classes!
Dogs and Humans mix perfectly, especially when applying it to this context.
Who knows? You may meet your future husband or wife.
You may even meet a life-long friend!
Yes, this is the part where you feel incredibly enlightened, leading you to push the follow button on my blog.
Just kidding! Or am I …?
Now, it’s time for you to buy a dog!
Knock yourself out!
You never know, you may get lucky!